Trauma is an unfortunate life event that causes physical, emotional, and mental side effects. Traumatic events can either be an injury, death, or accident and can inflict feelings of stress, anxiety, or depression. Have you ever wondered how depression from trauma interacts with medical conditions that also create depression? Specifically how suffering from trauma while dealing with PMDD depression.
Back Story
Thus far, life in 2022 has been extremely sporadic and traumatizing. If dealing with the issues of this world is not enough already. I have been in the boxing ring with life, and she has given me a run for my money.
Moreover, because I have PMDD, I must monitor my mental and emotional state to ensure my overall quality of life. Therefore, when chaos erupted in my life, I saw how trauma and PMDD caused devastating results.
On April 30th, 2022, I was in a car accident that caused my vehicle to be totaled. Immediately following the accident, I was overwhelmed with emotions. Feeling angry, sad, fearful, and confused – trying my best to hold it together while I spoke with the police but maintained a stern yet empathic face while the family members of the other car arrived at the scene.
However, the moment I turned to walk away to head home, I broke down in tears, and I have been trying to put myself back together ever since.
Do not get me wrong, I thanked God for my life, but the current events made it truly difficult to be thankful.
PMDD Depression
The following two weeks, I was at the lowest I had ever been. Heartbroken and depressed. I was drinking every day, crying all the time, and completely isolated myself from the world.
During the grieving process, I went back and forth in my head. Thinking that everything would be okay, but overwhelmed because presently everything was not.
Physically, I was hurt but recovering. Mentally and emotionally, I was crap! Neglecting myself, home, work, and responsibilities, by the third week of depression, I wanted to get back to myself. Wanting to reconnect with my circle, so gradually, I tried to do that.
Then week four-hit and PMDD showed up and drastically changed everything. Two weeks before my period started, PMDD began with her evil ways.
Just a few days prior, I was open to the idea of reconnecting with the world. Now I was feeling just as depressed as I was in week one. I began drinking again every day, having random outbursts of cries. Angry thoughts and feelings all over again.
A PMDD Depressed Functioning Adult
Moreover, having to go back into the world and tend to my responsibilities. I had to face people when I did not want anyone in my face. I dreaded hearing people ask me if I was okay. Even worse, I hated being fake. Throwing on a fake smile to engage in a fake dialog – that I did not care to do. It was as if depression was the razzle and PMDD was the dazzle. Together these two were causing havoc in my life.
Furthermore, I began to isolate myself again. Not wanting to engage in my usual activities or communicate with loved ones. Then when speaking with loved ones, I was snappy because I did not want to talk to them, but how can you not speak to someone when they are the only ones checking to see if you are alright?
Finally, when I connected the dots and realized I was in the luteal phase of my menstrual cycle. I tried again to engage with the world. To be genuine with myself and everyone around me. That still did not work.
Unfortunately, I was still sad and angry. The depression and PMDD had me back in bed, not wanting to engage with the world. Things remained this way until my period started and subsided my PMDD symptoms.
Overcoming Trauma and PMDD Depression
It has been a battle trying to find myself again. Gaining trust in myself to handle a vehicle. I recognize triggers and new anxieties while driving. It took me months to get to a place of seemingly being okay.
Luckily, my depression has drastically diminished. Now I have to deal with reconnecting the dots of my life. PMDD is never going away. It’s something I will always have. However, now I know that I am more capable of handling trauma while suffering from PMDD depression.