Initially, I wanted to start this blog post with an analogy. Comparing life with PMDD to that friend with whom you have a love-hate relationship. That is how I wanted to start this off, but PMDD is no friend! Homegirl sits beside the devil. She probably looks like a doll, all cute and innocent, but in reality, she will set the house on fire, then act oblivious.
I knew something was wrong with me when this guy I was dating said, you know you get mean around your period. First, when he said it, I was in denial, but then I started to reflect and realized he was right.
Emotional Rollercoaster
In one particular month, there were three separate incidents where I was inexplicably angry and snapping at my male friend, and honestly, I do not remember why I was angry and lashing out. Following the last incident, I realized I was not myself; I had been this way for the past few days; then, I remembered all these past incidents of erratic behavior.
A few months earlier, I had two complete meltdowns at work within fifteen minutes of one other. Work this day was hectic, but it was tolerable. However, I felt so overwhelmed and stressed that I broke down in tears. Crying right in front of the building, where coworkers, visitors, and my boss could see me completely losing my mind on the inside. Numerous thoughts were running through my mind – Do I need to go home; Can I handle this; What should I do?
After calming down and regaining my composure, I was finally ready to attempt and tackle the day. It took me about five minutes to get myself together. A few minutes passed before I had my hands on my head, overwhelmed and ready to break down again.
Sadly, crying in front of staff, visitors, and my boss again. Even worse, taking twenty minutes to regain my composure. Finally, I was okay and was able to complete my workday. However, for the remainder of the workday, I was not okay -tense and stressed – trying my best to maneuver through my emotions.
Life With PMDD
With PMDD, I experience rage and irritability most. The rage is significant and caused me to speak with a healthcare provider. For example, I had a moment so intense I vandalized someone’s property. PMDD’s extreme highs and lows can cause one to make impulsive decisions.
Symptoms also can cause depressive episodes. The depressive state that I fall into is scary. It happens suddenly; no matter the coping mechanism; I cannot shake my sad feelings. Withdrawing from the world and not wanting to be bothered. I have no desire to face life or interact with close friends or family. I will ignore them until I feel better.
Do Your Best
It is not easy navigating life with PMDD. Although symptoms only appear one or two weeks out of the month, those weeks are filled with a whirlwind of emotions, stressors, and sometimes chaos. PMDD affects your personal life and closest relationships, resulting in abnormal or sporadic decision-making and interpersonal conflicts with a loved one.
Additionally, PMDD is both physically and mentally exhausting. Anyone with this condition deserves sympathy and understanding. PMDD sufferers understand that we must work on ourselves to combat and mitigate the rash actions it causes. I know first-hand that compassion and active listening go a long way when someone feels like they are losing their mind every month.