Beautifully Ugly

Today was a painful day my period started, and the adjectives excruciating or debilitating don’t even begin to describe the pain. Having endometriosis is like living in hell on earth; today reminded me how hellish this disease really is.

Around 2 o’clock, my period began. While working my remote job, I went to the bathroom and noticed the blood. I went back to work until my partner came over.

We were relaxing on the couch probably two hours later when I asked if we could get something to eat. He said yes, and we got in the car and headed to Arby’s. Everything was fine, but everything changed when we returned to my apartment.

Getting Ugly

After getting situated and preparing to eat, I began to cramp – badly. I tried to eat my food, but I started feeling nauseous; grabbing my stomach, my partner noticed and asked me what was wrong. I told him how I was cramping.

I continued to try and eat I could not finish my food. My partner, still noticing my pain, asked if I had any medicine to take, yes, an opioid. I explained that I try my hardest to push through the pain – taking my prescription is my last resort.

The Period Waiting Game

Minutes went by the pain only increased. I give up and take my prescription. Now I’m playing the waiting game as my pain continues to soar.

At this moment, I can feel my stomach turning. Great, here comes diarrhea and vomiting. To the bathroom, I go, but nothing comes out either end; back and forth to the bathroom I go. Each time more annoying because nothing is happening.

Repeating this cycle from the bathroom to my bed, to my bed, and back to my partner. Finally, I end up in bed, curled up in the fetal position with a heating pad over my uterus.

Unbearable Pain

Time goes by my partner has to leave. He comes to check on me then I walk him to the door. I guess my body didn’t want to have its way until after he left because as soon as I locked the door, diarrhea and vomiting began.

What Can I Do

For almost two hours, I was throwing up and pooping. Crying, shaking, and praying because I am in tremendous pain, I call my mom; my pain is completely unbearable.

Never had I considered a hysterectomy, but now I did. A hysterectomy is no cure for endometriosis. At least I would no longer have a period. Just those thoughts sent my head spinning. I want to be a mother, always have. I can’t be a mother if I don’t have a uterus.

Next, I called my mom. I talked to her for about twenty minutes ending the call because I needed to poop again. Afterward, I guess I passed out from all the pain. When I woke up, it was dark outside, but I finally felt all right.

Unfortunately, this is endometriosis, this is my life and my truth. 2022 was a year of progressively worsening periods. The pain I experience is heartbreaking. Endometriosis is not just a bad period; it is a debilitating, chronic illness that causes chaos and havoc in one’s life.

Supporting My Period

Thankfully, I had support from the Black Women Feel Pain Too support group. There I vented how I was feeling and got words of encouragement from the group.

If you or someone you know thinks they may have endometriosis, please speak with a healthcare provider. Also, join the support group to hear from other fellow warriors.